With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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