Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
