I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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