Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
