you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
