I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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