In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
