im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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