I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
