Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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