You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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