my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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