Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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