question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize