I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
