i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize