Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
