when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He did a backflip because drugs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
