I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
