No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
