everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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