ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
