Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
