just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
