That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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