Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
