dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
