I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
