Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently you make a good broom.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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