can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
