Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
