3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
