fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
