apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
