I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
