i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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