sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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