He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My bed smells like the plague
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
