I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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