I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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