If i come over, it means nothing
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't deserve a penis
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
