Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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