My friends, they love my intelligence
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
