The maid of honor just puked.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
