YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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