Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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