Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
