Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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