I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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