Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
