I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
