i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
