Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
