he puts the penis in happiness.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
