i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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