we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
