My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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