you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
