Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
