Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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