he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
