there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
