i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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