They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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