I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
