Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
