Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
