Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
