just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
