I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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